Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
