dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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