Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
