GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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