were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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