a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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