She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
