Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
