we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
