Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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