Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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