I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
