you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize