everyone is single if you try hard enough
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
