Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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