At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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