Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everclear isn't food dammit
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