Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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