The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
