I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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