Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
