i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
