I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
