The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
