Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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