U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
