I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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