Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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