I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
