She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
