Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
worst night to have a conscience
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
