there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
