just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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