This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
