I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize