And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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