So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what day is it and did you see me today?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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