i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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