By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
where are my eyebrows?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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