Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
