My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
