I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
