last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
