i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
