How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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