Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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