I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
