the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
