I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
