I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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