I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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