i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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