the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
