Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
