You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
