I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
