I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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