you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
