I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
