her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
