I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize