Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
