I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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