I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
