i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
