eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
