Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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