Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize