guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
