So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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