He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
