I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
