Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize